What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 13:56
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
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He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Did Meghan Markle Use Her College boyfriend For Star Power?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do narcissist move on so easily?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
My life is so biszare .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I have no regrets .
Why do narcissists devour so much sugar (candy, ice cream, donuts, etc., in huge amounts at a time)?
He resisted the act ,that day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it wasn’t much.
Is LGBTQ destroying the world?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do almost all vertebrates have tails, but not apes and frogs?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im still living with it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But ive been too sick for many years..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was seconnd youngest,
I waited trembling.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
How do I come out as queer to my best friend in a funny and stupid way?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He knew the spot.
What are the best Jewish jokes?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were not on the streets..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But, we were locked up after school.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She wouldn,t have been !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was scared of men, in general
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Comes on , in middle age.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So, i spoilt her more .
She was in good health!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I don,t even have a pension.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I couldn’t, believe it.
It was going to be , some day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I will be 64.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was very sick at this time too.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I said to her
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ive learnt so much.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
This is soul school!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She married twice! .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was 9 years of age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I think the readers, may guess!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
We all went to grammer schools
And i lived it daily.
As i do to all so called friends.?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Put me off passion for life!!
She found it foreign!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
What did i know ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
All the time i was locked up.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Would this be the day?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Who then, do I blame.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So whats the point in blame.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I write beautiful poetry .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One cannot live in the past .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
When she asked me how she looked .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I could never make a relationship work though!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She loved him until the end.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!